I for one will be a gentleman and go over to congratulate each and every one of them. What are the chances on the same day right across the street?Ĭome on. You suck, LaFleur! (Walks away with his team minus Fran and steals a kid's hot dog) Give me that. (another buff member of the Globo Gym Purple Cobras is seen restraining White) Another time, another time. You- You can't do anything to me! You're going down, La Fleur! You're going down like a sweet muffin! You can't be my boss! Nobody's my boss! I'm my own boss! I created myself! Which as of last night is Average Joe's Gym! Globo Gym is a publicly-traded company, there's nothing you can do about it. I can't make you sell back my gym, so I'll just take your advice and invest in something. The gym is mine! So you can take your band of yellow-bellied losers and just crawl on outta here! I wouldn't sell you your gym back for all of King Midas' silver. Listen to these Globo-Gymers tell you how it is. But that all changed once I founded Globo Gym. How do I know? Well, I'm not only the founder of Globo Gym.
And with our competitively-priced on-site cosmetic surgery, we can turn that Frankenstein you see in the mirror every morning into a Franken-fine! Of course you'll still be you in a legal sense, but think of it as a thinner, more attractive, better you than you could ever become without us. Globo Gym employs a highly-trained, quasi-cultural staff of personal alterational specialists.
Here at Globo Gym, we understand that Ugliness and Fatness are genetic disorders, much like baldness or necrophilia, and it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it. I'm White Goodman, Owner, Operator, and Founder of Globo Gym America Corp, and I'm here to tell you that you don't have to be stuck with what you got. Tired of the same old you? Tired of being out of shape and out of luck with the opposite sex? Tired of being overweight and under-attractive? I'm afraid by rule, your team must be disqualified.īy the power vested in me, I declared the winner of this year's Dodgeball regional qualified tournament and grammar jamboree to be. Unfortunately for Troop 417, during the ADAA-required random drug screening, one of your player's urine tested positive for three separate types of anabolic steroids, and a low-grade beaver tranquilizer. I'm sorry, we have a bit of a problem here. Troop 417 are smug and anticipating being declared eligible until a man runs up to the stage with a note card for the announcer to read, alarmed by what he found.] I'm sure this decision won't haunt you forever. Well, I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn't anything to regret for the rest of their life. So what are you dying of that's keeping you from the finals? But I'm sure you have a good reason to quit. But with the love and support of my friends and family, I got back on the bike and won the Tour de France five times in a row. Quit? You know, once I was thinking of quitting when I was diagnosed with brain, lung and testicular cancer all at the same time. I think you better hurry up or you're gonna be late. I'm really pulling for you against those jerks from Globo Gym. Ya, I've been watching the dodgeball tournament on the Ocho. With spot-on cameos by champion bicyclist Lance Armstrong, David Hasselhoff, Hank Azaria, Chuck Norris, and William Shatner, and a crudely amusing coda for those who watch past the credits, Dodgeball is no masterpiece, but you can bet Spielberg was unexpectedly humbled by its popular appeal. But Thurber, Vaughn, Stiller, and their well-cast costars (including Stiller's off-screen wife, Christine Taylor) keep the big laughs coming for 96 nonsensical minutes. That's it for story any 5-year-old could follow it with brainpower to spare. The solution: A dodgeball tournament offering $50K to the winners, in which Vaughn and his nerdy clientele team up against the preening, abhorrently narcissistic owner (Ben Stiller) of Globo Gym, who's threatening a buy-out. That's no mean feat for a newcomer, but Thurber's lowbrow script and rapid-fire direction-along with a sublime cast of screen comedians-proved to be just what moviegoers were ravenous for: a consistently hilarious, patently formulaic romp in which the underdog owner of Average Joe's Gym (Vince Vaughn) faces foreclosure unless he can raise $50,000 in 30 days.
How's this for impressive trivia: Dodgeball faced off against The Terminal in opening-weekend competition, and 29-year-old writer-director Rawson Marshall Thurber aced Steven Spielberg by a score of $30 to $18.7 in box-office millions.
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